TMI ALERT: Update on The Keeper

I’ve used this thing for two full cycles now. It rules. It takes 1 cycle to get used to the idea of jamming a piece of plastic in your vag and letting it sit there for a few days, but once you do, holy shit, what a stress reliever. Like, you mean, I really never have to worry about leakage, tampons, TSS ever again? YES, YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT SHIT.

That brings me to another issue: insertion. How does a fairly sizable cup fit into your vag? Well, you fold it up and shove it in there and your cervix suctions the Keeper and seals it into place. Sounds mystical, I know. It’s not. Simple physics.

Your final qualm: but what about cleaning it? Isn’t it yucky? Not really. Seeing what comes out of your body is pretty rad. After my first cycle with the Keeper, I said to my nurse friend, “We don’t really lose blood at all, do we?” And she said, “Nope, it’s mostly mucus and cervical tissue.” I had no idea. I felt I’d been lied to for 15 years.

I clean the Keeper twice a day on heavy days and maybe once on light ones. It’s not hard–I just dump it in the toilet and then rinse it in the sink. (Make sure you rinse the sink after or your roommates will be grossed out. Or if your roommates leave pubes everywhere and you’re passive aggressive and spiteful, then don’t.) Easy, peasy.

Conclusion: I might as well stop shaving my pits because I’m keeping the Keeper.

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